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I don't drink very much - honest - so when I used to go to The Bell, I really looked forward to fresh orange juice, squozen from that noisy machine behind the bar.

It disappeared, and when I asked where it was they told me that because nobody cleaned it, it had been put away in storage and there were no more oranges being bought.

Now I know from experience that there is a heck of a lot of profit to be made from a huge box of oranges for about £4 which are sold at almost £4 per glass (for 4 oranges), and I also know that people will always buy it.

Would it be possible to pull the machine out of the cupboard and buy a load of oranges, even if it means a rota to tediously clean the machine at the end of each shift?

I remember that machine! It lent a very agricultural tone to its corner of the bar, what with the crates of oranges awaiting mutilation and the mechanical clanking noises when it was in operation. Let me look into some cupboards and make some enquiries. Back in a few days.

Sad news wackie; the machine is no longer with us. It was sold a couple of months ago on the grounds that it was just taking-up space and gathering dust and there was negligible demand for freshly-squeezed OJ. In anticipation of your response to this news some Board members are leaving the country this week, but I am made of sterner stuff. I'm just moving out of my flat and taking refuge with a friend!

Oh, is that what they told you? It reminds me of the old corner-shop mentality when everyone who went into one to ask for a particular item was told that there was no demand for it. That's how supermarkets took over. It's all down to 'choice'.

If it was a matter of the little machine taking up too much space, then I am surprised that The Bell still serves tea and coffee. That machine takes up about 6 square feet of actual bar-space, and good coffee has only been sold in pubs since everyone realised how much profit there is to made made from it.

Last Summer, The Bell might have been the only good pub in Bath not to offer Pimms by the jug. The reason for this was the same reason that Moquitos were also outlawed, and it had nothing to do with space-saving.

The mint clogs the automatic glass-washer, you see, and they got fed up with having to unclog it every day. You would have thought that it might be easier to take the sprigs of mint out of the glasses before they go into the washer, but it seems that nobody ever did.

The reason I know this is because I have a massive bush (steady) of really good English Garden mint - which gets bigger every year (I said steady) - and when I offered great bundles of it to the pub for free, I was told they were not allowed to accept it. No Pimms. No Moquitos. By Order.

The pub is missing out on some quite lucrative lines to offer, perhaps because it involves a bit more work for the staff?

And - btw - if you enquire a little deeper into the orange juice thing, you will probably end up being reluctantly told that the major disadvantage of orange juice 'with bits in it' means that if the 'bits' are not cleaned off the walls of the glass quickly, then they stick like hell. Not an insurmountable problem?

No Pimms? No Moquitos? By Order? Can this be true? Once again I find myself out of my depth and in need of advice. I'll seek wisdom and return to the forum later this week.
Or maybe next week. Sorry; other stuff has intruded.